5 posts from 2009

"I've been loving you.....for too long...."

Quenched
This drought of lonely moments
In which my response is grateful

The words are beautiful
and the pain
So perfectly woven into the disaccord of tones she releases

However, my surface cannot be so reflective

My disillusion is an installation in my piece
and the visibility is much more demanding in excuses
I have no one to blame
But me

Except you
I have you
and I have always had you
You've been at that fingertip that shook
Violently in my mind
and pegged me as the
lucrative laughingstock 

Profitable
Certainly not for me.

Able to whisk the idea of forgiveness
I pass that one right by
a sign that I would beseech to say
Morality

A moral of muddy cowboy boots
It's all that comes to mind
No matter how little sense it makes

I've dragged them through that terrain
and allowed the discomfort
and allowed my chagrin of bravery to
make anyone proud

A promise you can't keep
But I covet an exchange where you would
Allow this fruitful mind game to cease

For the purpose ......of resonance

Now, aim.

Routine waivers like
strews of flailing kitchen knives
an instance driving them into my back

Ultimately a privacy
I cannot always be granted
poisoned by derived noise and
lozenges of latent contempt

As if the struggle proved
to be personable
even interesting
no longer invasive and
lost
confusing forgiveness
no
not both
placement is only promise
for deserved end notes
and prosperity failed

Clueless is proper
tactless is inevitable
close nit characters
find the comedy obscene 

Repetition is deception in it's prime

Routine waivers like
strews of flailing kitchen knives
an instance driving them into my back

Ultimately a privacy
I cannot always be granted
poisoned by derived noise and
lozenges of latent contempt

As if the struggle proved
to be personable
even interesting
no longer invasive and
lost
confusing forgiveness
no
not both
placement is only promise
for deserved end notes
and prosperity failed

Clueless is proper
tactless is inevitable
close nit characters
find the comedy obscene 

Repetition is deception in it's prime

It's January 3rd and I feel obligated to once again comment on the new year.  I find it kind of funny that since moving to New York, I have yet to ring in the new year on the east coast.  It's not as if I make precise new years resolutions or anything, but being in Seattle in a time of transition seems slightly awkward since I spend so little time here.  I am entirely happy to be here, but it has proven difficult to simply pick up where I left off.  When I arrived here a few weeks ago, the snow prohibited me from leaving my parents house all together.  I was there for about a week before seeing anyone other than my family.  I've realized that I can't expect to build new relationships while I'm here and I can really only hold obligations to those whom I have already placed a value on in my life.  There's really no point in establishing an entirely new life each time I come back.  I have my friends that I care about and if I meet new people along the way, that's fabulous, but I can't expect to make substantial connections with them in such a short period of time, it only disappoints me later on.  And in my time here, I have met some interesting people that have been hospitable in every way and I look forward to meeting them again down the line, that's really all I can ask for.  I apologize to anyone that I have neglected to see in my time being here, but this is my time to have fun and I really can't be bothered with the dramatics of ultimately anything.  This sounds selfish, but I have to be when it comes to matters like this.  I have my best friends and I will always enjoy being around them, and they know that even if I don't spend much time with them that I will always want to be a part of their lives regardless of where I am located. 

I suppose that if I were to make any new years resolutions, it would be to no longer guilt myself about things that are simply out of my control.  These last few times I have been in Seattle have really brought to light how I have been striving to live this awkward double life, and that it blatantly has not worked.  I can't be in 2 places at once, so I have to enjoy my vacation here without the thought that I am missing out on something elsewhere.