lain’s meditations

It's January 3rd and I feel obligated to once again comment on the new year.  I find it kind of funny that since moving to New York, I have yet to ring in the new year on the east coast.  It's not as if I make precise new years resolutions or anything, but being in Seattle in a time of transition seems slightly awkward since I spend so little time here.  I am entirely happy to be here, but it has proven difficult to simply pick up where I left off.  When I arrived here a few weeks ago, the snow prohibited me from leaving my parents house all together.  I was there for about a week before seeing anyone other than my family.  I've realized that I can't expect to build new relationships while I'm here and I can really only hold obligations to those whom I have already placed a value on in my life.  There's really no point in establishing an entirely new life each time I come back.  I have my friends that I care about and if I meet new people along the way, that's fabulous, but I can't expect to make substantial connections with them in such a short period of time, it only disappoints me later on.  And in my time here, I have met some interesting people that have been hospitable in every way and I look forward to meeting them again down the line, that's really all I can ask for.  I apologize to anyone that I have neglected to see in my time being here, but this is my time to have fun and I really can't be bothered with the dramatics of ultimately anything.  This sounds selfish, but I have to be when it comes to matters like this.  I have my best friends and I will always enjoy being around them, and they know that even if I don't spend much time with them that I will always want to be a part of their lives regardless of where I am located. 

I suppose that if I were to make any new years resolutions, it would be to no longer guilt myself about things that are simply out of my control.  These last few times I have been in Seattle have really brought to light how I have been striving to live this awkward double life, and that it blatantly has not worked.  I can't be in 2 places at once, so I have to enjoy my vacation here without the thought that I am missing out on something elsewhere.